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NotSoAverage 35, Female, California, USA - First entry!

Jul 2007
3:25 PM EDT

So how can i start i guess i can say that im not your everyday girl. i try to be outgoing and crazy but the past two years havae not been the best for me, or if you knew me you could say that before i was even born my life got screwed up. my dad died in a car accident about a week before his and my moms wedding, and my sister died when she was 15 in a seperate car accident with four of her friends. i guess you could say that my family is cursed with bad luck. when i was about four years old my aunt died of kidney failure, and when i was about fourteen my grandparents died.
Its only been me and my mom mainly for the last almost 17 years there was a time when i was about ten my mom got together with an old flame named ron. I absolutly hated him of course what child doesnt hate the new person with there parent. well they were together for about three years when he ask my mom to marry him in a restaurant i broke down and started bawling wondering why my mom would marry a man that i despised so much well while the fourth year went by they ended up not getting married they seperated but still remained close and i finally started to like him. well one day my mom picke dme up early from school in a rush to get to the bank she told me that her and ron had got into a fight because my mother wouldnt make him part owner in her buisness well after that we found out some pretty scary information about him. we kind of broke into his house which was technaclly ours because we sold it to him and he hadnt paid full amount yet but anyways mom broke into his computer and found dome disterbing emails from three different woman. yes he cheated on my mom while they were together but the worst thing was that he had gotten into some nasty stuff like slave and owner stuff one of the emails stated that while one of the womans husband was gone ron went and sexually abused her making markson her breast anad making her show them to her son to show him who was in charge. yes freaky i know. but what i realized later on about my gut feeling of not liking him was because i knew something was wrong with the picture , i would love for my mom to find someone exspecially since it would take some of the burdon off of me.
I have moved around alot from two different places for some reason we just keep moving back and fourth. during my ninth garde year i moved and when i first went to the school i hated it i wanted to move back that day but i didnt and i stuck it through and it was probally the best year of my life i met an amazing friend there named keri i dont know what i would do without her, have you ever heard the saying that if you go through life with that one true friend then you are truly blessed, well that is her i can tell her anything i know that she wont judge me and she can do the same to me she went through alot that year and i was there for her. Then i moved back again and i started my 10th grade year at a different school. it was ok at first but the thing is that i have this friend kayla for some reason i reamin friends with her not knowing why. its not that she is mean or anything its just that she is kind of to into her self and doesnt think of anyone else, and she is kind of two faced to its like when she gets around her cheerleading friends she wants absoulty nothing to do with me, which hurts alot. you can try telling her this stuff but it doesnt help at all. but its like she is the only one that i have here beside leanne. well i got my licence when i was 15 so of course i was the person to drive people around mainly kayla which was fine with me because i had some one to hang out with but everyone bet that as soon as kayla got her licence that she wouldnt even care about me anymore or even try to hang out and guess what that is exactly what happened. so basically i have nothing to do this summer because my other best friend is in australia right now for a month.
now here is where my life really starts to suck the past two years have been hell for me because of my mom she has been so stressed out and you know what they say they take it out on the people closest to them. well thats me. i cant stand it sometimes i get yelled at constantly like i can never do anything right sometimes i just think it woould be easier to just go ahead and end my life now as it is and get it over with. but something always keeps me holding on we have two houses that i cant stand because they are always dirty and im always exspected to clean them up. we have about a million junk rooms in our house of stuff that we dont even use or need and i want to get rid of it but at the same time i want to be a teenager with my friends thats probally part of the reason know one ever asks me to do stuff because im never aloud to. because i have to stay and help clean which most of the time we dont even do anything because mom is to busy sleeping on the couch. but there will be more about that in my next journal
now lets see my romantic life .... sucks i think that i am truly ment to be alone because nothing ever works out for me guys are never interested and never make attempts to talk to me. and when i do find a guy he is either a drugy who is obsessed with an ex, a jon tucker that is obsessed with girls period or his best friend which happens to be a girl, or a complete romantic who seems so good and spectacular then breaks a date and you never hear from him again. ya thats basically it my friend tried to hook me up with at least five guys this summer so far and none of them worked out so i officially give up there are plenty of woman that stay single and live happy lifes but i just want that feeling that someone wants me and loves me and wants to be with me and do stuff with but so far that hasnt happend i wish i could be like kayla she seems to have all the guys fall at her feet and i dont get it like why her i dont know . she just recently got a guy which just happend to be the same guys that i likes since about 5th grade well i guess i have to say that, that is all for today but i will be back tomorrow with more of my boring storys to tell it just feels good to get this stuff off my chest and say it instead of holding it all in... well in til next time.....NotSoAverage

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